It's just a fake smile

Assalamuaikum and hye readers :)

I smile and laugh everyday. But It doesn't mean that I'm okay. I smile and make you think that I'm happy, I laugh, so you don't see me cry, I let you go by your style, and even if it kills me.

I can smile when I think something's funny. I do smile in photos. If I'm not smiling, that doesn't mean I'm sad. Some people think I'm sad and they'll say "You need to smile!" But I don't need to smile. Why should I smile if I'm feeling emotionally tired with all this fucking bullshit?

Anyway people who smile all the time are fake, or maybe they aren't fake themselves but they maybe lying to themselves or something like that. I know it's a forced smile. Like what I do everyday. Lying with my fake smile and screaming "I'm okay" to everyone I meet. Sometimes it hurts more to smile in front of everyone, then to cry all alone. Because I just want to be known as a girl who always smiled. The one who could brighten up my-friend's day, even if I couldn't brighten my own.

I know how I hurt when I try to blend but I can't. I know how I hurt myself on the outside and try to kill the thing inside. How can you understand me when I can't understand myself? It's like I realized that way down inside. I've always been lonely for something. But I don't know what for. It's like everybody in the world wants something. Only they never really know exactly what it is. They just keep finding out what it's not. You know how, when you turn off the TV or you come out of some concert, and everything just feels empty? Like you thought that would be what you wanted, and then it wasn't?

You look at me and think, 'she's so happy' but there's so much behind this little smile that you will never know. I'm just tired of pretending to be something that I'm not.


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